Prodigal Son

Hmm, I should be writing my research paper but eh. Yesterday, I had small group and the bible study for the week was on Luke 15:11-32, which is the Prodigal Son passage. As we got into the bible study, I couldn't help but feel like the older son. Lately I've been having struggling with mm how would I say this, envy almost. I'm so envious of other people's blessings. When I came to college I instantly realized that there are so many people more spiritually mature than and many of these people had only become Christian in college. At the time this didn't bother me too much as most of them were older than me but like as I saw people in my own class who have changed so much since freshmen year, I began to feel discouraged and almost disappointed with myself. Why is it that these people have grown so much when I feel stagnant? I've been Christian for so long in my life and yet they're so much more mature than I am. I am the older son who complains to God and to people about how I have served God faithfully for so many years but I don't get the same blessings without realizing that God's blessings were always available to me but in my legalistic service I was too blind to see it. Many times I feel like I have to be at a certain level of cleanliness, of "holiness" to approach God's throne but then what is the point if I can do it on my own? I realize that I have much to grow. I need to become the older brother who loves, and asks his father "When is my brother going to return home?" and rejoice when he does. It is amazing to see what God has done in the lives of my peers and instead of grumbling, I need to learn to be joyful knowing that my fellow brothers and sisters are repenting and returning to Christ and are growing. I need to grow...